And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
