Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
