I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
