I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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