you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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