still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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