A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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