that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
