did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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