I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My Sexting was not on an AP level
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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