So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
