Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
