awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
