I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
