Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
