I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
