But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
