And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
50% drunk capacity currently
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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