The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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