happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
