I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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