just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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