"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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