Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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