Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
