im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
