I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
