can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Houston, we have a squirter
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
