"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
