I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
