Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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