i barfeds in our rink
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
