I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
