Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
