Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
