I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
