i would punch a child for taco bell
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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