I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
