At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
