yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
