the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
