Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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