I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
