the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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