i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
