I'm sorry my penis didn't work
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
