Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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