Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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