I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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