its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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